Bad Day Binge Eating
We all have our good weeks and our bad ones, and for me, this one has been pretty tough if I’m honest. But I have to say, looking back objectively on the way I’ve dealt with feeling so shit, I couldn’t be prouder of myself.
In the past when I have felt low, I have used food as my comfort blanket, eating anything and everything in my path in the hope that it will help all my problems disappear. I recall times where I've ploughed through 2 cookies, 3 KitKats, half a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, 3 slices of bread drenched in peanut butter and whatever else I could get my hands on, eating and eating until I feel utterly sick. Why? I don’t really know, but I guess because whilst I’m eating, I'm thinking about the sweet taste in my mouth, rather than the shit thoughts going on in my head.
As much as I would love to say that after each binge I was left feeling 100% better, quite frankly, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Once the sweet taste had worn off and I no longer dared attempt to fit anything else in my stomach, all I have ever been left with is feelings of guilt, sickness and the exact same sad thoughts that I had been dealing with before I entered the kitchen. So was it worth it – absolutely not! Did I still do it the next time I felt sad – unfortunately so!
So what happened this time? Well, I have to say, a binge never once entered my head. Despite feeling low, not at one point in the week did I even consider going to the cupboard and eating all the chocolate I could find. I will admit that by Friday I decided I deserved a glass of champagne and one of the mini Lola’s cupcake that were being given out at work - when maybe on another day I wouldn’t have had one - but this was because I really felt like I wanted them, rather than because of a burning desire to try and bury all my problems. It was Friday, so I had the alcohol and cupcake and I did enjoy them, but they didn’t make all my problems go away and I felt no need to have any more. Even at dinner time, I ordered what I wanted off the restaurant menu, felt content afterwards and when I got home, I went to bed, without stopping off for any unnecessary foods.
I have to say, this behaviour is a massive testament to just how far I have come these past 9 months, because the old Sam would not have dealt with this week in that way. I know her and she would have first finished off the half tub of Cadburys chocolate caramel spread in the cupboard, before moving onto some ice cream, probably a protein bar – because you know, protein – finished off with 3 or 4 slices of toast covered in any other wonderful mix of sugary ingredients. And this would have been after the champagne and cupcakes and dinner…
Me aside, it’s a known phenomena that many of us like to attempt to bury our feelings with food as it will help us to ‘forget’ what’s going on, but I can tell you from years of experience, that it only leaves you feeling worse than before. I’m not going to suggest you deprive yourself of a chocolate biscuit when you feel bad, if that’s what you want at the time, but I will say that having a second, or third, isn’t going to solve anything. Sometimes we need to just put our head down, take what ever is going on on the chin and try to get on with things. Because at the end of the day, it’s all just character building and you need the hard times to appreciate the good ones and come back fighting harder!